i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
