He kissed a someone with a penis
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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