I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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