I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
