I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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