i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
