I think I won the penis lottery.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
