Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
