Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
