Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
