3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
