Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
