You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
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Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
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Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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