There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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