I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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