She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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