Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
