my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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