He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
