maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
