I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
