Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
