I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
