i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
