Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
