Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I believe in your delicious
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
