I love black thongs
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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