I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
