someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
