Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
