You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
