Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
