my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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