onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
