Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We are two peas in an std pod
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
