DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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