I got chris browned last night
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
