Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
