He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
