For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
