you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
