It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My feet surprised me
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