i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
