dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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