am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
