i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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