Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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