yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Two words: blizzard sex
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
