Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
