I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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