Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
