sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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