Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
