If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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