I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
