at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
