Just fell off a train. Bad.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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