i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
