I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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