I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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