when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
