I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
