So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
