i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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