YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
