Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
