Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
