that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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