look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
