Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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